Tuesday, January 26, 2010

let me believe

(repost from feb 03, 2009 post)
let me believe that it is different
something is different
we are different

it is nearly two years since the last time you chose not to call
even though i believed you because you said you would call,
since i left you a message you chose not to return
even though i believed friendship would prevail,
since a painful moment i brought upon us
even though we have never spoken about it.
i do not have to believe
because i know
that two years ago, we experienced our own grief
when i asked you to remove you - your passion - from my home.
the sadness in my heart went unnoticed
as it was overshadowed by your quiet anger.

let me believe my feelings are different
something is different
you are different

it is less than one year since you chose to e-mail me.
your note? i believed it was a simple, benevolent gesture
even though only you knew your intentions.
i do not have to believe
because i know
that the moment i watched you walk toward my doorstep
was the moment i realized i chose well.
my acceptance of your gesture went unnoticed
as i chose to forgo my healing for your companionship.

let me believe that i can heal
something is different
i am different

it is tonight, more than one week since you chose not to call
even though i believed you - just because.
it is tonight, not more than one day since i chose to call you,
as i have done so since, daily.
on this night, i chose to leave you a message,
not reminiscent of two years ago,
because something is different,
we are different.
tonight i asked that we talk, that we share, that we listen.
and on this night, as i recount my sadness, your anger,
my acceptance, your touch,
i remember that i have a choice,
that you have a choice.
even though we may never talk about this,
i accept that you may not call
because tomorrow,
something will be different.

let me believe that i will choose
that i have chosen
that i am different
i do not have to believe
because i know

2 comments:

  1. Poetry, too? You are multi-talented...

    You've captured the feelings of trying to move forward in the midst of heart break. Such a difficult thing. But we all can choose and know that tomorrow will be different.

    ReplyDelete
  2. thanks. you know ... this did NOT start out intending to be poetic. i had started an email to a friend. and for some reason, there was this cadence in my head and ... well, there you have it! so you know, i was in a VERY SAD place when i wrote this and after writing it, i read it for 2 weeks straight, every morning and every evening. it helped to have this mini-anchor point.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...