Thursday, January 21, 2010

twa speaks (tongue-in-cheek) on dating

(repost from 01/23/2007)

on january 22, 2007 ... twa (mail, married one-time, 40s, no kids, no pets), lw (female, single parent, never married, 40s, cat and dog owner), and i had quite the e-banter on dating and on-line dating, in particular ... i am taking twa up on his insight & advice for "one-month" trial period - through mid-february 2007.

the opening ... twa offering his services to write/consult on ads
Before I share my insight regarding singles ads, I want to say a little bit about my background. Over the past ten years I have spent between 4 to 6 hours each day at work surfing the web reading classified ads written by women in ages ranging from 12 to 85 years old. Based on hundreds of hours of research, I have seen the following:

In these ads, younger women are not afraid to show photos of themselves in all types of nearly nude situations (example washing their car in a next to nothing bathing suit, or showing off their favorite underwear). With these types of photos the younger women will write something like: “Do you want to hookup tonight?”. For purely scientific reasons, I have tried to send emails to these types of ads but the mailboxes are always full with the thousands of other guys trying to meet these women.

I have noticed that as women get older they become more careful and start to show photos of themselves wearing a heavy sweater sitting in an overstuffed chair with a little cat or dog in their lap. These women will write something like: “Looking for a man with season tickets to the opera.”. Now I can guess why these older women are being more careful with their ads. They are worried about attracting the wrong type of man. The problem is, with the careful ad the few men that do respond are gutless Nancy boys that are in their forties and still living with their mom. Being careful with a singles ad is like trying to catch a fish without putting bait on the hook. Dating is like catching fish. Don’t worry about which fish you are going to catch. Instead, try to catch as many fish as possible. Use a huge gill net. Catch hundreds of fish. Get the fish in the boat. Once in the boat, look at each fish closely. If you like one of these fish, put it in the storage tank in the boat for later use. If you don’t like one of the fish, hit it in head with a hammer and throw it out of the boat.

With the gill net approach to singles ads, the photos need to show your best features. They do not need to be full body shots. Just close-up shots of the more important parts of the body. Warning --- do not cover-up these body parts too much in the photos. Men are stupid and need to be shown things clearly. The same approach needs to be taken in the write-up. Say things like: “Its been too long since my last parade. I want to ride on a float tonight.” OK – with the gill net type singles ad, you will get many many responses. Accept all of them. However, remember to bring your hammer with you on all first dates. You will need to use if often before you find a really good fish.
twa's clarification on the gill net after lw and my comment re: weeding fish out early-on ...
Here is the problem with trying to adjust the gill net, it is impossible to know which are the nasty fish at first. You must catch them first. Then decide if the fish is nasty. If you try to adjust the gill net, you will start losing fish. Some of those fish that you lost will be keepers. Due to all of the interest that will be generated with the gill net approach, you must manage your time. Try scheduling several dates for a single day (1 hour difference in starting time). If you hate the guy, act like you a going to puke and have him let you out of the car (do this within 15 minutes). You should practice this puking act to get is right. Go on the next date scheduled in the next hour. If you like the guy, just go out of the date and leave the other guys hanging. Chances are they were nasty fish anyway.
[side bar from lw to me: you must come over for a weekend so we can practice our fake vomiting technique. twa, I NEVER would have thought of this, you really are on to something here.]

(i'm in.) then more from twa on photos to post ... [bullets added for ease of reading twa's tips!]
A couple of comments regarding photos.
  • Put in a couple of more showing cleave (this of course is a major selling point with men. You may want to use Photoshop for a zoomed in shot.).
  • Get rid of photos showing you with other men (I know these types of photos show that you have men friends and you are social and all, but men do not like competition at right out of the gate.
  • Men want to think that you have no other men in your life at the moment.).
  • Get rid of the photos showing you having fun with big fake animals (I know these types of photos show that you like having fun and can be goofy at times – but remember that right out of the gate men are only thinking about one thing – getting lucky.
  • Photos showing you being goofy may indicate that you will laugh when a guy gets naked in front of you for the first time. This will kill a good buzz.)
  • Keep the photos with you and your girlfriends (in the back of all men’s minds is the idea of a possible 3-way).
  • Keep the photos of you drinking the hard stuff (also in the back of all men’s minds is the idea that I will get her drunk and have my way with her on the first date).
(i'm almost done with photos chosen to post) and then twa's insight on profile content (the stuff i wrote about me) ...
I like the write-up. It has good energy, it is not too long, and it highlights the fact that you are a professional. The only thing I would add is some reference to a dark past that you are trying to run from. Say something like: “Working in my new office in the bay area overlooking the Golden Gate bridge is a far cry from my days in Las Vegas working as an adult entertainer.” You do not need to be specific on what type of adult entertainment you did (let them guess).
and lw chimes in on profile content ...
And maybe add something about your amazing flexibility too.
and twa clarifies his advice on profile content and tone ...
Correct. The idea here is to show that you are a little bit crazy.
Not crazy like: Sometimes I stab people because they look at me funny.
Crazy like: I can’t help it but I’m crazy in bed.
some tips learned so far --- gill net, hammer, puke, cleavage, ... and there are more. (i haven't added my banter or some of lw's interim banter --- for it is the wisdom of twa we share today!)

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