Friday, January 15, 2010

a repost: on dating them ...

(an excerpt from a 04/09/06 post in the way-back time)

yes, it's true ... from 2003 thru 2004-ish/2005-ish, i watched the beaucoup-bucks for a dating service unfold my pseudo-creative writing ability ... or my need-to-journal-trauma.

(ACCEPTANCE SPEECH: ... and to the chick who was in my creative writing class that commented about the "total losers" who sign up for "those services", i can only say that it was a pleasure being in that class with you. i misread the class description that said it was YOUR therapy session where you would read your personal and true stories about incest and other dysfunctional family issues. i'm not saying you're a loser. i'm saying i didn't know i paid to take your therapy session, which would provide you with the opportunity to slam me and my entertaining fiction-ish story. next time, i'll read the fine print.)

context: a quota certain number of randomly-pulled-from-a-database near-perfect matches future short stories dates over a period of time (so says the fictional IJAM)

source/excerpt: an e-mail (edited to maintain some anonymity & added comments) i sent on 11/21/04 to my friend barista boy. below ... the monikers for each IJAM guy i met.
  1. ARTIST: prior to becoming an "artist," ARTIST had worked at the same company for which my previous employers (let's call them THOSE GUYS) also had worked; THOSE GUYS quit that company and THOSE GUYS started their own firm. i had just (12-days prior to meeting the ARTIST) voluntarily left a position with THOSE GUYS. what a small-frakkin world.

  2. TEETHPICKER: had a really cool job. was sooooo not the height (read: shorter) they told me he would be; not that it mattered but for the fact i wore my oh-so-adorable-yet-painful kenneth cole make-me-taller shoes that were totally-painful-after-20-minutes. either the food make me sick, or the teethpicking made me sick. i excused myself from the table before the end of the meal and threw up. really.
    (i told IJAM that bad hygiene was a deal breaker, so put that in the database!)
  3. DENTIST: (good one, IJAM; clever.). intelligent. good sarcasm. direct. had similar likes for activities. met again for dinner at the restaurant at which my friend todd worked. had to make sure DENTIST was gay-friendly. last i saw of or spoke with DENTIST.

  4. BOURGEOIS: his favorite word, too often used, to describe his feeling about SD downtown, gaslamp district, urban setting, and people who go there. i go there. i guess i am bourgeois. and he is a pompous a**.
    (i was catching on ... IJAM did not check the database where i specifically noted ... i like to hang out in the hillcrest area of SD (read: gay area), little italy here or there, and downtown.)
  5. TMI GARDEN GNOME: western religious fellow gone eastern-ish spirituality. east coast fellow who moved to the west coast. penn state learned who learned later at san diego state. wayne dyer devotee. told me he was abused as a child. 1-step forward for honesty, i suppose. 5-steps backward for conversation topic.
    (just in case you don't know TMI. oh ... and once again, IJAM didn't do the math correctly. i wore my kenneth cole shoes again. yeah ... i towered. AND AT THIS POINT ... MY FIRST BREAKING POINT - i rattled off my polite rating of 'unsatisfactory' service - met with some chick at IJAM to let her know how sooooo off they have been and blah-blah-blah-blah)
  6. SWEET GUY: nice. great conversation. pleasant. walked me to my car in the cavernous fruits & veggie parking lot of horton plaza. gave me a peck on the cheek. met again for dessert (because he said he liked desserts!) ... & listened to him bemoan the prices of the dessert. (we were going dutch, even!) not a deal-breaker, but who bemoans the price of anything that is freshly-made and has CHOCOLATE!?
    (SIDE BAR: SWEET GUY gave me his e-Mail. i wrote him a 'thank you' e-Mail after the fab dessert place and let him know i totally looked forward to meeting up again. i got a call from him, while he was on a train to LA for work-stuff, which went something like, "i'd appreciate it if you would either be more vague in your e-Mails or call me. my secretary reads my e-Mail when i am out of the office. i don't bring my computer with me when i am out of the office." ... i was tempted to call him and ask him to check his e-Mail for my response, but i decided simply to call him - and in so many words said - i was not interested.)
  7. I-DONTMIN-TO-BRRRRAAAHHHG-BUT...: (translated ... i don't mean to brag, but) then don't.
    (SIDE BAR: possibly another miscommunication or database glitch or just sh***y service. i-dontmin-to-brrrraaahhhg-but... didn't like to watch movies. i love watching movies. AND THIS WOULD BE MY SECOND BREAK POINT with them. a small rant & rave over the phone...)
  8. DOT COM GUY (aka RINGER): tall. cute. universally cute. good conversation. lamented about similar IJAM experiences. extended our time spent talking with him because it was totally fun. I believe he was THE RINGER to appease me because I bitched at IJAM after i-dontmin-to-brrr... . haven't talked since. didn't expect to do so. we were each other's moment of therapy, i believe. did i mention he was cute. i was pacified.
    (SIDE BAR: IJAM told me he "rents" and that he works as a "computer-type" guy. i thought "so what about renting and computers?" i rent and think the world of my landlord. turns out, DOT COM GUY doesn't work. he's unemployed. he cashed out. he's totally set. he travels. an he owns several properties - which he rents.)
  9. SALESGUY: cute. decent conversation. a little conservative and not a deal breaker. sort of defined by his status in corporate america. (eh?) i was interested in meeting up again. he didn't call back.

  10. TEACHER: fun. cheery. flaky. loves movies. elementary school teacher. did see a movie for 2nd meet up; cost-conscious so saw 1st showing of spider-man 2. (i heart willem dafoe.) on atkins diet. (don't get me started.) a few calls back/forth. flaky. nonresponsive.
    (SIDE BAR: both of us being filipino, never got to the point of discussion where we check if we are somehow loosely or directly related.)
  11. RICH: (that would be his name ... not tax bracket. he is the only one i shall name) he and i are friends. we became friends after agreeing (on the 2nd meet-up) that there wasn't a "vibe" (aka chemistry) between us, but we had lots in common. he lives downtown, loves dessert, likes to hang-out, his respsectful, makes mean martinis, etc... for this friendship alone, i will not slam IJAM. (under other circumstances, i would not show calm restraint.)

  12. EYE-CONTACT MAN: cute. a psychologist. no chemistry.
    (and i turned into a babbling fool about my limited knowledge about psychology. i likely was EYE-CONTACT MAN'S equivalent of my BOURGEOIS guy. EYE-CONTACT MAN loved (just loved!) to scuba dive. i don't even like the confined-space feeling of an airplane. .... i so, soooo, sooooooooooo, apologize for the 90-ish minutes i stole from EYE-CONTACT MAN'S life. i apologize deeply.)
  13. E-BAY MAN: cop. 2 kids. in process of going through a messy divorce. (i didn't realize in-process-of-being-single qualified one for IJAM.) o.k. conversation. i felt like i was E-BAY MAN's rudder ... IJAM threw us together so E-BAY MAN could gauge where i fell on his dating map.)
    (SIDE BAR: similar to the TEACHER, both of us being filipino, never got to the point of discussion where we check if we are somehow loosely or directly related. factoid - unlike the loch ness, yeti, or tooth fairy, 6'2" filipino guys exist.)
  14. THE EXEC: took phone call ~ 10-minutes into the date. THE EXEC deserves a whole separate post. i MUST HAVE BEEN on some sort of candid-camera-reality-type show. for now, some key words - supervisor, alcoholic, asshole (in no special order)
    (SIDE BAR: a definite clue that IJAM didn't give a shit. did i type that? THIS WOULD BE MY THIRD BREAK POINT with them. a moderate rant & rave ... for which i disclosed i would meet-up with him again if i knew (and he knew) he would not be drunk as a skunk or headed that direction. i felt i needed to meet-up with him again - in a controlled & familiar space - to see if a camera crew was lurking!)
  15. DANCER: he was a biz owner. he was taking different social dance classes (which is cool). he was really nice. i liked him. i wanted to meet-up with him again. we scheduled to meet on a friday for din-din. i had a much, much longer work day than expected & was in a gnarly mood (totally crabby mood); it was horribly raining something fierce. i called him about 2 hours before we were going to meet and asked if we could resched for saturday brunch or dinner. he said "sure" and that he'd call me back on saturday morning. he did not. i called mid-afternoon to check-in. no call back or message or e-Mail. not sure if he is alive.
    (SIDE BAR: i had to google. he is still in business. i understand.)
  16. LAST GUY: (aka TURBINE GUY) i was his first IJAM date. he was my last IJAM date. (but at least i had my fav zocalo hand-shaken margarita!)

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