deep thoughts in class paper

@jeffmiller79, THANKS MUCH 

for your inspiration and support!

"for now, i choose the petri dish:

unwritten rules and alphabet soup"

such is my affectionately titled class paper for my greenleaf academy course (more here), applying the key practices of servant leadership (related posts over here). and while writing my paper, i revisited quotes that i've kept around to ponder. one of them -

"The greater part of our knowledge and beliefs
has been communicated to us by other people 

through the medium of a language

which others have created."

- Albert Einstein

i have batted around lots of ideas since my '94 epiphany, and in this class, i connected a bunch of dots in my head and unearthed from my grey matter the following -

... I intend to explore the use of language – written, verbal, artistic expression – to affect workplace satisfaction. Three topic areas that I am pursuing include:

• systems - while being mindful of the value of foresight, the goals of rethinking complexity, and similar ideas, increasing my understanding of and making more accessible systems theory; 
• storytelling – through my creation of anthrocubeology (i.e., a web-based format for story-telling workplace possibilities and alternatives), express ideas about approaches for catalyzing cultural shifts through reflection and self-awareness; and
• philosophy – by bringing together servant leadership and my other interest in the epistemology of knowledge and ignorance, develop my voice about my belief of a person’s ability to make a difference through our connectedness.

deep, thoughtful "stuff" came out (and continues to come out) of my writing as inspired by my greenleaf experiences.

 

"If you try to find meaning in everything you do, 

you will imbue everything you do with meaning."

- James Autry

 

thanks again, jeff!

(near finish line!)

final touches for my @greenleafcenter final paper

the foundations of servant leadership ... our paper (described over here) is due today. here is the introduction to my paper ...

THE PLACE AND THE SETTING WILL EVOLVE

There are BRIDGES yet to be constructed by those who live and

breathe in their ENVIRONMENT —Air, Land, and Water. Egos stand firm

on the ground that they were born and choose not to acknowledge that

being one step closer means choosing to be one step FURTHER.

My VISION is to Create Those Bridges. – Shirley Rivera

My journey as part of the Greenleaf Academy’s Foundations of Servant Leadership has reinforced the importance of remaining mindful of my 1994 epiphany, reflecting on life observed and experienced, and engaging new knowledge. With new knowledge of querencia, spirit carriers, and primus inter pares, I have revitalized my mission, vision, and values – an unexpected and welcomed outcome through five months of increased self-awareness and reflection. I continue to believe that one person can and should make a difference, and I am reminded that connections – mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically – naturally exist. Because of this, I have come to realize that my journey of servant leadership began many years ago and will continue for many more years to come – not only in reflection but in manifestation.

thank you for letting me share

querencia @greenleafcenter

querencia
– a place where one feels at home

this is a spanish word that was shared with our class last month - shared by isabel, our instructor. when isabel mentioned querencia, she also had referenced author georgia heard (on web) who wrote writing toward home (over here). a couple of meanings just found through the net -

• a place where one feels secure.
• “…a place where one feels safe, a place from which one’s strength of character is drawn, a place where one feels at home. it comes from the verb quere, which means to desire, to want.”
• in spain, it is the place in the ring where the wounded bull goes to renew his strength and center himself, ready for a fresh charge.
• when the bull stops for a moment and finds querencia – his place of safety – he becomes truly powerful and dangerous. this is the moment he gives up fear.

greenleaf thoughts ... as part of my on-going thoughts about the ten characteristics of servant leadership, i have shared through the class wiki that -

"i am coming to realize the question of whether i "fit" [in a physical place] is not as relevant as whether and how i am going to serve - the desire to serve those who want a better environment and to so do through improving the relationships, communications, respect, and trust - that is what is important for me. the place and setting will evolve."

- to which the lovely isabel shared -

"Dear Shirley, One thing I really like about Greenleaf's work is that it is so thought provoking. I do think one can serve right where they are and of course you, with your other experience, will ponder your place of "querencia". Thanks for your writings, Shirley. Much for us to digest."

i puffy heart isabel!

#TDL - the daily love ...

quote for #love2011 ... this is indeed a timely quote (over here) from the daily love (on web, twitter) given yesterday's event and circumstances.

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."

something to ponder,
give it some thought ...

observations, perspectives, stereotypes ...

on asian mothers ... last weekend's WSJ article why chinese mothers are superior (an excerpt from amy chua's memoir - battle hymn of the tiger mom) drew quite a bit of attention and controversy - not just in the blogosphere but among cubester friends and colleagues.

i came across the article because of a brief-minute stairwell conversation among cubesters, and as part of a cheeky moment, i mentioned it a fiber break with a clip from modern family. and as part of a separate moment, i thought about my tongue/cheek dating white men post.

bite-sized updates ... here are a few (and yet there are MANY) follow-up resources -

• WSJ's blog comments on the article number more than 400 comments
• chua responds to questions as part of WSJ's idea market comments
  
• gene luen yang's cartoon response on the controversy
• SFGate's article mother, superior? providing more context to WSJ article
  
• PBS interview of chua on her memoir - reactions, reason for writing her memoir (written in about 2 months) - and her closing statement so true ... "it's obviously triggered a nerve."

here is alison stewart's need to know interview clip (over here)
for ~ her 7:25 min interview with amy chua

Watch the full episode. See more Need To Know.

chua:
"generations ... immigrants ... mother ... daughter ..."
"it really captures some truth"
"it's a memoir ... and it's a memoir about
my own mistakes, my pulling back ..."
"i actually wrote this book in a moment of crisis ... my daughter"

my quick thoughts ... i haven't read the book, yet. but my initial reaction - it's a memoir that is spurring dialogue and reactions across many minds. let me read what chua has to say.

other books on the nutkin's shelf and nightstand ... meanwhile, i have quite a bit of books for which i am still finishing-up as part of my self-directed, self-motivated study around topics associated with ignorance, knowledge, and race, as well as cultural context and psychographics - several tim wise books, yoshino's covering, a couple of luis rodriguez books, collection of essays written by asian american and brought together in claire chow's leaving deep water: asian american women at the crossroads of two cultures and garrett hongo's under western eyes.

i pledged at charactersunite ... your turn?

characters unite ... this is a USA network campaign of sorts - as stated about their mission (over here) -

"... Characters Unite, a multi-platform campaign designed to help form a more perfect union by combating intolerance, prejudice, discrimination and hate, and promoting greater acceptance and mutual respect of all people ..."

just another place (among a sea of others) to express my evolving thoughts about ignorance as shared over here. pledge to do so. it's simple (over here).

evolving thoughts: race, ignorance ...

... privilege, self-identity, ...

my evolving interest ... is shared over here (must. buy. book. buy.) and to some extent, this dating-life moment over here.

recently reminding myself about my 2010 goals (over here) made me remember about a film that was shown at work back in february 2010. and just two days ago, i mentioned to a few people at work about an event shortly after that film was shown. this post is simply to share an email exchange after my viewing of that film.

the film ... mirrors of privilege: making whiteness visible by shakti butler - - - during black history month, this film was one of the offerings and events at work. i made time for this viewing.

the exchange after viewing that film ... i, among many others, were affected and/or moved by the film. i was so moved that i felt the need to (a mandate!) contact one of the women who shared her perspective. here is that exchange with some specifics redacted/revised ...

my note to her ... (presuming the facebook person was the woman in the film)

Hi woman-who-moved-me-to-tears,

I am hoping you are the correct woman.

I know you don't know me. And this is quite uncustomary (sort of) for me to touch base with a total stranger. However, I just wanted to let you know how I was so moved (literally moved to tears) by your story in the "mirrors of privilege: ..." video. And so moved that I have obviously felt compelled to find and check-in w/you - and if not, the folks who made the video and hope a note would get to you. I have to believe there are others who have done the same.

Thank you very much for sharing your story and your feelings.

Not that this may matter one way or another - nevertheless, I work at a large government organization (in San Francisco). The video was part of a lunchtime presentation yesterday - a series of presentations being held at our organization. Admittedly, the whole video was very moving. However, for whatever reason, your particular story was not only powerful for me but also memorable in emotion and feelings. When the second clip of you came up, I kicked myself that I didn't get your name. (and really ... I wasn't taking those kind of notes). Of course, I found clips on youtube. Had I not, I already had a note drafted to our Director in our organization; she was partly involved in organizing and/or supporting events such as these in our organization.

I could certainly go on to let you know why I am interested in this topic of privilege, race, ignorance, etc., however, I am sure my friends hear enough (or maybe not - who knows?) of my philosophical and evolving perspectives and mini-rants and raves - all for good and for being part of a path forward. And usually we do that over happy hour. (haha)

In any case, you reminded me of the importance and power of the authentic expressions of our (human beings') feelings. For that, I am thankful to you.

And if you have reached this far in the note, thank you for entertaining a note from a stranger who has decided she is the woman-who-moved-me-to-tears fanclub member at my organization. : )

Be well,
girlnutkin

her response to me ... (i received a response 3 months later, much to my surprise and gladness.)

Aloha girlnutkin,

It has been on my mind for quite some time to respond to you when I had an extra moment. As a classroom teacher, that moment has not really come until now, as school winds down for the summer. I was very touched and grateful to hear from you, and to know firsthand that my experience could impact/connect/relate to another. Because that is what I believe this work is truly about - creating connection so that we are able to transcend fear and separation - with others, as well as with ourselves. I have often thought of the process I took in offering that interview with Shakti. I felt passionate about doing it, and knew that my personal upbringing with my cousins and brother blessed me with a viewpoint truly unique. The wisdom and understanding it has brought me to continues to compel me in my work with children - prioritizing an understanding of the "other" viewpoint, whatever that viewpoint may be.

Thanks again for having the courage to seek me out and email me. you are, actually, the first. I feel honored and privileged to know that my experience has created a universal connection between two "strangers" in theory, but not in heart.

Mahalo for taking the time to connect,
woman-who-moved-girlnutkin-to-tears

what a wonderful universal connection

(repost from 06/02/2007 comment on story)

here are thoughts from a, mr.-ever-changing-hairdo dude whom we **heart** dearly!

Baphomet vs. Buddha

Ate S,

Your writing is great. It sounds like you because it is you. You provide enough pieces so your picture can be seen but still allow the reader to fill in the silly details. I did not feel sorry for you (or the character in your short story). Probably because early in the blog you let the reader know this would be the last time you would be in his apartment. If you aren’t looking for sympathy, putting this hint early on prepared me. And yeah, I did not like the pacing dude but since I suspected he was going to piss you off, all I was waiting for was how he was going to do it. Besides, I already know there are worse people out there. The funny thing with me is that given enough time, I can find a way to get out and just be a witness. Witnessing is not painful or as painful (i.e., getting hurt versus witnessing getting hurt). Seems like yogi stuff but one way for me to cope.

We are all foreigners. It is impossible to know what it is like to be someone else. Some don’t even know themselves. I believe you know who you are though words will fail at times to express it. I believe you continue to learn about yourself and in the process, you learn of others. This experience gave you a new understanding of the pacing dude. You understood. And then you made an attempt to be understood. He probably did understand but he was not willing to accept it and then be it. Leave him. Witness yourself leaving him. Because understanding and then knowing and then not acting on that knowledge is worse than ignorance. Oh well. Hang in there. It was nice to see and read you.

A

PS Maritess and the Justice League clip was great!

thanks, a, for feeding my ego
and for taking time out from family to type out!
(hi to kxs, also!)

r|thoughts: about "my foreigner" ...

(repost from 05/07/2007 comment on story)

well, well, well-I think I'm more shocked that you haven't felt this ignorance that people have towards us (filipino woman) before this event, or have you? I mean, I cried a little at the end because you're writing is beautiful (you should send this on to a publication/magazine-Oprah would be a good one). But my outrage turned to contempt, a feeling I've had before when I've encountered this ignorance.

I think you can't assume that people will understand that you are not a foreigner. They look at you and see something else, because you're cute, exotic, different, etc. They see you from a perspective that we (filipino woman) never see.

I'm an American, born in Rhode Island, raised in a pretty american culturized environment. I've been told by caucasian men, that I don't talk like a filipino (whatever that means). I tell them what does that mean? I was born and raised here. Why would I talk like someone from the Philippines? Because of how I look, girlnutkin. People make assumptions (I am included) of other people based on how they look, not what actually is.

This event is empowering because you may have changed how you perceive people's perception of you. You are now in a place, have the opportunity, to use this to your advantage. I mean, I like to think that once someone gets to know you, they look past how you look. And admire you for who you are, what you do, how you think. I think that guy, those guys, those people will always underestimate the strenth that comes from being systematically lumped into a category that no one really fits into(foreigner)-if anything, you come away from those relationships, those encounters knowing that you are more than how you look...and that guy is just an ass...philosophically speaking!

-kim in sd

(repost from 05/07/2007 comment on story)

i was having a chat with my good pal, c, and she brought up a hopeful concept.

i don't see myself as being political, mostly because i think politics = a game where no rules ARE the rules, and it's okay to lie and cheat. not the kind of game i want to play.

but if you look at ignorance in a general sense, most of it comes from a time when people lived comfortably in that ignorance. just because the laws changed doesn't mean that people changed. but generations that followed were educated and cultured, and have grown to understand so much more than those that came before us---about being human and respectful.

the people that still have left-over prejudices will soon be wearing big-people nappies, and drooling on themselves, while clearer hearts will be in positions of power. i'm not saying that politics will turn fair quickly---or at all---i'm just saying that there's hope for a younger brand of wisdom to make it thru the muck of mediocrity, and steer this country to smarter, kinder, better ways.

while it sucks you went thru captain cardboard's twisted imposed pocket-reality, it is kinda good you didn't do something insane-O like marry the guy before finding out something so fundamental.

i once had a yuck i almost married. i thank God every day that he morphed into a total shit and left me. whew! dodged a bullet!

your beauty and wonder are properties of YOU. don't let mr. mcSleeze occupy another second of your time. you've been set free! even the universe knew he wasn't good enough for you. - k

(repost from 05/27/2007 post)

thanks, k, for sharing your thoughts after reading the story and my thoughts. so i am posting your thoughts here, as well, as others may also have thoughts to share.

hm.

I can't help but feel overwhelmed by...?

I don't even know how to describe the sensations I currently host.

On the one hand, I am inclined to sympathize with your experience. I have to admit, I too have encountered several--and by several I mean countless--occasions where this same scenario has panned out. Perhaps I have become numb, the shock of such "ignorance" having worn off after repeating incidences. At this point, it rolls right off, without even a flicker. Most times I find myself amused at the remarks. Utter disbelief really. It doesn't stem from any feelings of anger nor shame. Instead, it's merely: wow [?!] to the effect of "wtf" minus the emphasis, as I shake my head.

I once had a co-worker comment that I was quite pretty for a Chinese woman, considering that he had been to China before and they were all rather unattractive. I believe he meant it as a huge compliment, though I can't help but feel a little insulted. And as much as I would like to say that I don't take these things personally, the fact that I can vividly recall that conversation evidently illustrates otherwise.

After having been exposed to such reoccurring incidences, as aforementioned, I find myself posed with philosophical queries as well. After all, an individual's perspective on/in life has a geat deal to do with their upbringing, and could I really blame someone if they are SINCERELY ignorant? And by blame, I don't mean that the individual is free of accountability, but rather... could I really be ANGRY at that person?

Feelings of hurt may naturally arise, but if I in turn reserve the right to counteract with notions of my own superiority and freedom from such ignorance, am I not being ignorant as well? And to that extent, am I not worse insofar as I believe myself so far above such unknowingness??

I suppose a great deal is also inextricably tied to how one defines or understands "ignorance" to mean and also what emotion is aroused as a result. To react angrily and feel superior, I would have to contend that on some level, it's quite possible that ignorance of one's own pretentiousness can be found. Where the root of such superiority grows from will/may vary. Upbringing perhaps, or even to mask feelings of inferiority or maybe to distance oneself from a shared trait.

Yet, if ignorance is synonymous with naive, innocenct or lacking in knowledge, one might be apt to excuse whatever act--however horrendous or minute. Would this then create a vacuum of unaccountability? No one ever feeling the need to be compassionate nor understanding? Stuck within a little bubble that may snow ball into another Jim Crowesque situation? Or am I falling prey to creating a world of what-if's under no reasonable means?

Consequently, I feel compelled to question my own sincerity for the desire to find a satisfying resolution.

RECAP:
First, I am evidently not ignorant because I understand the injury. I am also further excused of ignorance because I don't react angrily in response thereby demonstrating my benevolence and compassion. [aren't I great and smart now?!] But... could there be a next level? Perhaps simple contemplation without extrapilating any sort of emotional attachment. ZEN.

Ultimately. my constant need to "feel better" about myself and how I react to any given situation presents me with the conundrum: SELF-IDENTITY. Why do I care? What does it matter? If I am so "confident" as I would like to be, can anyone really harm me? Emotionally? Psychologically??

In a perfect world, I would like to accept a situation for what it is and move on. I haven't learned how to achieve that yet. A constant theme that seems to be prevalent this year so far is that I know a lot of things, but I fall short of understanding them.

In the end, I find myself asking: What's the point? Does it matter? Do I really care?
Answer: Yes, but maybe not enough. or maybe too much...

Despite it all, I do thrive on the dialogue. And yes, it's feeding my ego because it makes me feel smart.

again, thanks, k,

for taking a couple hours of your time to share.

r|thoughts: about "my foreigner" ...

(repost from 05/15/2007 post)

i wrote this little short story, my foreigner. my intent? to write. to express a recent event in my life. to share my disappointment and surprise.

when i shared this story with friends, the responses ranged from "are you serious?" (e.g., disbelief) to "what a dick head!" (e.g., anger). as a result, i've found myself reiterating the intent of the story to my friends - letting them know i wrote the story to emphasize that it was my becoming aware of his ignorance, which i intended to express. i've tried to figure out edits - edits to elicit a reader's first response of "wow, that is kinda ignorant!" or "what a bummer to find that out about him!" or "i wonder if he knew what he was saying?!" - basically, elicit a reader's response that, preferably, did not involve anger.

inevitably, several conversations have resulted, with expressions and feedback - disappointment, shock, ignorance, confusion, profiling, patriotism, family upbringing, values, conservatism, liberalism, being american, and racism, to name just a few.

in the story, i wrote, "and that was when i realized i knew what ignorant meant." and in fact, it was that moment - actually, one of two memorable moments for me that evening, that i felt like i had been kicked in the gut - in the heart, even. i felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me. there i was, in a relationship with a man that i wanted to continue getting to know. for the time i had spent with him, i thought of him as funny, witty, caring, pensive, interesting, intense, law-abiding, nostalgic, intelligent, creative, opinionated, impatient, complex, and several other characteristics. conversations with him always were enjoyable and dynamic. i always felt encouraged to have open, honest, and shared conversations.

however, at that moment in his apartment, i remember having some sort of unexplainable response, while i was sitting there. i just wanted to leave politely. i didn't want to share my thoughts with him. i wasn't sure why i felt that way. now? i have continued to ponder. so some thoughts -

ignorance ... confusion ... disappointment ... disbelief ... uncertainty ... surprise ... discovery ... sadness ... shock ...

will revisit these thoughts later.

my foreigner

(repost from a 05/03/2007 post)

a saddening moment late one evening back when i had been dating someone for about 2 months. however, it was a turning point - in fact, a bit of a mini-epiphany that has led me to an on-going growing interest in ignorance (mine, others, ...) on a variety of levels. here's a little slice of that late night moment ...

my foreigner

"... and maybe it's their culture ... but they are here now ... don't they ... these foreigners ... oh. uh ... no offense. you know. and ..."

i was less than 7 feet away from him in his less then 500 sq ft studio apartment. it was midnight. he slowly paced back and forth in front of me, justifying why he asked his neighbor to refrain from talking loudly. i agreed. it was disrespectful of his neighbor. a nightly event, his neighbor was outside talking on the telephone. i was inside sitting on one of three chairs - four chairs, if i counted the ottoman. he stood between his doorway and me. this would be the first and last time i visited his apartment.

i was certain i heard him say "... oh. uh ... no offense. ..." who might he have offended? his door was closed. his neighbor did not hear him.

"... oh. uh ... no offense. ..." he waved with what i later understood to be a preemptive, pacifying, left hand gesture toward me, while he paced back and forth and continued to talk. when he exclaimed about the need for foreigners to adapt and assimilate to the american culture, on occasion, he looked over his shoulder at me.

he really did say "... oh. uh ... no offense. you know. and ..." was I not to take offense? and his hand gesture? i knew i was american - filipino-american. he knew i was born in florida. certainly there was no reason for me to take offense. i knew i was not a foreigner. would a foreigner, however he defined one, be offended by his statements? it's simply bad manners to be disruptive at midnight.

he qualified his statements about adapting and assimilating. his context seemed credible, to explain the reasons behind his statements, to assure some rational thought. he was clear and specific. in fact, i believed he had valid perspectives. at least, for several minutes, he sounded educated and informed.

"uh, wait. what the hell? do you think i'm a foreigner? you know, don't you, that i'm not a foreigner? right? i'm not a foreigner."

born in the united states with a father who always extolled the virtues and opportunities of being an american citizen - i voted. my parents raised their family as bi-cultural, with the american slant more prominent. he? he was a european mix. he was american. he, too, was not a foreigner.

"oh? right. uhm..." with an awkward silence, his pacing stopped. then he faced me, shoulders squared-off, about 5 feet away from me. "well ..."

i interrupted him, "you understand that i'm not a foreigner. right?" more awkward silence as he stood still.

"well, you know what i mean? ... " he stepped back a few feet - resuming his pacing, rationalizing, and explaining. and that was when i realized i knew what ignorant meant.

i interrupted his explanations, for the last time. "i hear what you think you mean. i hear. i understand. ... " i began to explain what i understood. i believed i would convince him of what he did not understand. then with my voice trailing off, suddenly, i realized my disappointment. i knew i was not a foreigner. he did not. i no longer commented. he had his stage. it was his home. this was his soliloquy. i was his audience, very eager to leave his chair for the first and last time.

while he spoke again, i began to realize that i was someone else in his eyes, in his mind, and perhaps in his heart. my "looking different" and "being different" from him, which he often expressed as part of his strong attraction to me, afforded something else.

often he would say, "your eyes are different. you're cute. your skin is different. you have a different look than me, which i find sensual. you grew up differently. look how small you are. i know you are more than asian. i like that your dad raised you american." what i had understood to be observations and compliments began to have different meanings.

foreigner.

i might simply be that someone to adapt and assimilate to standards he held, and until then, he might consider my actions, my convictions, my values, and my beliefs as foreign to him - not to be shared with him. i - not someone to be understood by him, not someone of equal value to him. he - not someone who respected me, not the someone i believed i knew. that night, he became my foreigner. no offense.

[by Shirley © 2007]

there is a book or two or more ...

(repost from a 05/17/2007 post)

... that exist! i want them.

and how is this first book described at amazon.com?

Race and Epistemologies of Ignorance
From the Back Cover

Offering a wide variety of philosophical approaches to the neglected philosophical problem of ignorance, this groundbreaking collection builds on Charles Mills's claim that racism involves an inverted epistemology, an epistemology of ignorance. Contributors explore how different forms of ignorance linked to race are produced and sustained and what role they play in promoting racism and white privilege. They argue that the ignorance that underpins racism is not a simple gap in knowledge, the accidental result of an epistemological oversight. In the case of racial oppression, ignorance often is actively produced for purposes of domination and exploitation. But as these essays demonstrate, ignorance is not simply a tool of oppression wielded by the powerful. It can also be a strategy for survival, an important tool for people of color to wield against white privilege and white supremacy. The book concludes that understanding ignorance and the politics of such ignorance should be a key element of epistemological and social/political analyses, for it has the potential to reveal the role of power in the construction of what is known and provide a lens for the political values at work in knowledge practices.

Contributors include Linda Martín Alcoff, Alison Bailey, Robert Bernasconi, Lorraine Code, Harvey Cormier, Stephanie Malia Fullerton, Sarah Lucia Hoagland, Frank Margonis, Charles W. Mills, Lucius T. Outlaw (Jr.), Elizabeth V. Spelman, Shannon Sullivan, Paul C. Taylor, and Nancy Tuana.

oh. my. god. epistemology of ignorance. epistemology - branch of philosophy ... that studies the nature of knowledge, its presuppositions and foundations, and its extent and validity. ignorance ... the condition of being uneducated, unaware, or uninformed.

i am soooo excited about this. don't yet know all the reasons why, but i am.

and then a couple of books by wendell berry. so i'm quite interested in seeing where this reading jaunt will take me.

meanwhile, i do still have to finish reading covering (k. yoshino) and who really cares (a. brooks).

when i (re)cubeopolis'd more than 2 years ago

(repost from 09/23/2007)

i made a major decision to return to government back in september 2007 ...

and with this very unexpected, unplanned, unimaginable (for some amongst my family & friends), and unbelievable change, i ponder - perspectives, thoughts, and just whatever about this change. this change simply goes as follows:

• started with the government near 20 yrs ago in jan '87 after graduating from college; left the government in july '88
• have since been in consulting and industry (public utility), spanning ~ 7 years
  
• have been a business owner since nov '94
• started up again with the government sept '07, with limits around any outside employment (conflicts and all - real and perceived/appearance)
  

here are a few thoughts just 2 WEEKS into my cubeopolis life back in late septebmer '07:

• authenticity & covering - i think about this more and more, lately. comments have been made - in passing, mostly - given some perspectives that one's profession defines one's values. perhaps that is the case for those afforded the ability to seek and for those with the desire to obtain a job that allows his/her expression of his/her values. conversely, for some, a job is simply a job - a set of duties, responsibilities, etc.
  
  • judgment
  • stereotyping/profiling
  • self-expression
  • mission/vision
  
  
• structure - the structure of a traditional 8-hour work day is very different from my prolonged weaving-in-and-out an 8-hour work day. in fact, i find the 8-hour tradition much more tiring effort, at least for the first week. that is, over the course of what appears a 12-14 hour work day with my own business, i extract the 6-8 + hours of billable (and/or non-billable) work amidst a yoga class, shopping, lunch, kickboxing, reading, power-napping, pedicure, whatever.
  
• body's natural rhythm
• authority
• cubicle existence

• business ownership undone - it is apples and oranges to compare the two. i know there are many-many-many books about the joys of leaving corporate america to pursue business ownership/self-employment. i'd like to see what
• civil service as a noble effort
• transferring & exchanging knowledge
• learning new things
  

• never say never - i did. look where i am now .. when i had once said i never would ever be once again.
  
• clichés may mean something
  

• social life unfolds - living in the suburb of union city and working in san francisco certainly will affect my social life. as i left on the voice mail message to my friend reggie on day 1 when i drove in to work with a few books and heavy items for my cubicle existence, "i am boy crazy! i dig that i'm at a stop light, so i can watch [the boys] cross the street."
• dating
• faves galore to explore - restaurants, stores, boutiques, galleries, events, parking lots, etc.
• reconnecting - lots of old friends work & live in the city

just naming a few for now