2010 outlook and creations via "your heart's ...

... desire: instructions for creating the life you really want" - by sonia choquette (or YHD) what is this book about? as stated on choquette's website -

"There are metaphysical laws at work in the universe that bring to us both what we want and what we don't want, depending on our habits of thought and behavior."

for me, this is a book that a dear friend, deb, recommended to me in 1999 after i'd felt a bit stagnant and challenged about general stuff going on in my life at the time - getting through (in my head & heart) a very intense break-up that happened in late-1997, managing and balancing my work and my social life, and feeling part of the SD community(ies) somehow in a manner that was at least reminiscent of the community feel of northern california/bay area. deb encouraged me to get the book and go through it from front to back, while also doing the exercises of each of the 9 principles. so that's what i did - well, got as far as principle 5 during the first effort in 1999 and as far as principle 6 during 2008. it was pretty amazing!

the principles (in order) include ...

1. focus your desire (bring your dream into focus)
   
2. send clear messages to your subconscious mind. repeat them and make sure they are positive (gain the support of your subconscious mind)
   
3. deeply imagine realizing your goal ~ do it in detail (imagine your heart's desire)
   
4. establish order in your physical environment (eliminate your obstacles)
   
5. open yourself to your intuition ~become aware of synchronicity, etc. (be open to intuitive guidance)
   
6. rein in impulsive behavior (choose to support your dream with love)
   
7. honor the power of your words ~ say what you mean (surrender control)
   
8. persist in your dream (claim your dream)
   
9. surrender to divine power and allow the universe to do the rest (stay true to your dream)
   

as time has progressed, YHD has been part of my new year's resolutions practice ... although more accurately, YHD has been part of my little semi-annual ritual. i start out each year ranking the 10 desires categories and going through each exercise - as if i'm reading the book for the first time. and by mid-year, i revisit my progress and refine my desires; i also check-in on my accomplishments and unexpected events.

2010 outlook in rank order ... well, here's where i'm heading for 2010 (along with my previous 2009, 2008 and 1999) ranks. my rank order of the 10 heart's desires are as follows with up to 5 items for the year ...

1_finances ('09 @_1; '08@_3; '99@_5) ... (this includes the sphere of income, savings, debt payoff, and money for purchases, adventures, and indulgences)
completing taxes on time; suze orman-ing; identifying environmental-related investment options; increasing savings toward retirement; establishing budget for other YHD activities and philanthropic efforts.

2_health & body ('09 @_2; '08@_1; '99@_8) ... (this means the sphere of physical health and well-being, including weight loss or gain, beauty, exercise, sport, and recovery from illness)
engaging in heart-healthy living activities; re-establishing more regular yoga practice; re-establishing cardio-kickboxing practice; continuing chiropractic health; increasing outdoor activities.

3_relationships ('09 @_3; '08@_2; '99@_6) ... (this includes the sphere of love, romance, marriage, divorce, children, parents, relatives, friends, neighbors, partners, and pets)
continuing to invest in friendships (existing and new) that are mutually supportive and unconditional; being constructive in letting go; increasing spending quality time with family; welcoming being involved in a long-term/committed relationship with a man; getting a house pet.

4_work ('09 @_4; '08@_4; '99@_1) ... (this includes where you want to work, what you want to do, how much you want it to pay, whom you want to work with, the environment you want to work in, the rewards you want to receive, the amount of independence you want, and the contribution to the world you want to make)
engaging in work activities and people connections contributing to my mission| vision | values; repositioning r|cat to engage in environmental professional development; creating professional and personal "bridges" among work colleagues; creating a mutual support network among internal and external work colleagues; re-establishing recognition as and "go to person" of valuable and credible resource for air quality, energy and environmental communications issues.

5_spiritual ('09 @_8; '08@8; '99@_7) ... (this includes the sphere of personal discovery, healing old wounds, recovering personal power, expanding intuitive awareness, discovering new dimensions, remembering your true spiritual identity)
re-establishing reiki practice for health; re-establishing intuitive awareness practices as part of decisionmaking for betterment of self and communities; acknowledging and being mindful of signs; moving forward thoughts and writings related to philosophical perspective of ignorance within the context of knowledge, self-awareness, informing/educating and accountability.

6_home ('09 @_5; '08@7; '99@_3) ... (this includes buying, selling, renting, remodeling, building, moving, acquiring roommates, decorating, and designing where you live)
creating and maintaining a home that is inviting for entertaining family & friends; re-visit and complete apartment therapy (over here); uncluttering my home; creating a personal space for meditating and reiki; decorating and organizing with what i have; gardening.

7_creative expression ('09 @_6; '08@6; '99@_4) ... (this includes singing, dancing, painting, writing, healing, intuiting, inventing, buliding, designing, photographing, acting, producing, filiming, cooking, gardening, sculpting)
continuing with blogging; re-establishing writing short stories; developing and honing skills for storytelling and improv; learning how to knit; learning more cooking skills and techniques.

8_possessions ('09 @_9; '08@9; '99@_10) ... (this includes any and all physical objects and property that may make your daily life more joyous, more pleasureable, more comfortable, more practical, and more fun)
learning how to use my mac's multi-media apps; reading/finishing at least one book per month among the many books already in my possession; being more mindful of doing timely car maintenance and repairs; uncluttering of possessions i have by donating, storing, or using; using information from subscription magazines.

9_travel & adventures ('09 @_7; '08@7; '99@_9) ... (this includes travel, sports, recreation, retreat, world exploration, psychic exploration, and new experiences of every kind)
providing reiki for others' healing processes; visiting friends in u.s.; taking a must-use-passport vacation; visiting california's nature locales; tag along with friends' outdoor/extracirricular activities.

10_special intentions ('09 @_10; '08@10; '99@_2) ... (this includes anything not directly covered in the above)
being sought after by individuals and organizations for enviro professional development implementation and support; developing apprentern blog and writings as part of carrying forward and extending the message jengyee has started for self-improvement; staying in touch with jengyee's family and friends; expressing through my actions and mindset - the four agreements, the paradoxical commandments, the paradoxical commandments for government, and the ten rules for being human.

focusing, creating and rotating my 3 of 10... the above are ranked in top 10 order, however, that does not mean i work on these sequentially. rather, i start with 3 activity(ies) under the above desires with which to first concentrate with the intent of focusing my attention - just a few at a time. i start to chip away at each. because some are longer term for realizing within the year, i'll figure out for both near- and long-term desires.

when i (re)cubeopolis'd more than 2 years ago

(repost from 09/23/2007)

i made a major decision to return to government back in september 2007 ...

and with this very unexpected, unplanned, unimaginable (for some amongst my family & friends), and unbelievable change, i ponder - perspectives, thoughts, and just whatever about this change. this change simply goes as follows:

• started with the government near 20 yrs ago in jan '87 after graduating from college; left the government in july '88
• have since been in consulting and industry (public utility), spanning ~ 7 years
  
• have been a business owner since nov '94
• started up again with the government sept '07, with limits around any outside employment (conflicts and all - real and perceived/appearance)
  

here are a few thoughts just 2 WEEKS into my cubeopolis life back in late septebmer '07:

• authenticity & covering - i think about this more and more, lately. comments have been made - in passing, mostly - given some perspectives that one's profession defines one's values. perhaps that is the case for those afforded the ability to seek and for those with the desire to obtain a job that allows his/her expression of his/her values. conversely, for some, a job is simply a job - a set of duties, responsibilities, etc.
  
  • judgment
  • stereotyping/profiling
  • self-expression
  • mission/vision
  
  
• structure - the structure of a traditional 8-hour work day is very different from my prolonged weaving-in-and-out an 8-hour work day. in fact, i find the 8-hour tradition much more tiring effort, at least for the first week. that is, over the course of what appears a 12-14 hour work day with my own business, i extract the 6-8 + hours of billable (and/or non-billable) work amidst a yoga class, shopping, lunch, kickboxing, reading, power-napping, pedicure, whatever.
  
• body's natural rhythm
• authority
• cubicle existence

• business ownership undone - it is apples and oranges to compare the two. i know there are many-many-many books about the joys of leaving corporate america to pursue business ownership/self-employment. i'd like to see what
• civil service as a noble effort
• transferring & exchanging knowledge
• learning new things
  

• never say never - i did. look where i am now .. when i had once said i never would ever be once again.
  
• clichés may mean something
  

• social life unfolds - living in the suburb of union city and working in san francisco certainly will affect my social life. as i left on the voice mail message to my friend reggie on day 1 when i drove in to work with a few books and heavy items for my cubicle existence, "i am boy crazy! i dig that i'm at a stop light, so i can watch [the boys] cross the street."
• dating
• faves galore to explore - restaurants, stores, boutiques, galleries, events, parking lots, etc.
• reconnecting - lots of old friends work & live in the city

just naming a few for now

f|break: saturday morn cartoon

take a little time out on your saturday morn for a fiber break for daffy's "duck amuck" over here by w.brothers (and for as long as the clip lasts - see below!)


Watch Duck Amuck-Daffy DUck LooneyTunes in Animation | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

stay regular and be healthy

a repost: on dating them ...

(an excerpt from a 04/09/06 post in the way-back time)

yes, it's true ... from 2003 thru 2004-ish/2005-ish, i watched the beaucoup-bucks for a dating service unfold my pseudo-creative writing ability ... or my need-to-journal-trauma.

(ACCEPTANCE SPEECH: ... and to the chick who was in my creative writing class that commented about the "total losers" who sign up for "those services", i can only say that it was a pleasure being in that class with you. i misread the class description that said it was YOUR therapy session where you would read your personal and true stories about incest and other dysfunctional family issues. i'm not saying you're a loser. i'm saying i didn't know i paid to take your therapy session, which would provide you with the opportunity to slam me and my entertaining fiction-ish story. next time, i'll read the fine print.)

context: a quota certain number of randomly-pulled-from-a-database near-perfect matches future short stories dates over a period of time (so says the fictional IJAM)

source/excerpt: an e-mail (edited to maintain some anonymity & added comments) i sent on 11/21/04 to my friend barista boy. below ... the monikers for each IJAM guy i met.

1. ARTIST: prior to becoming an "artist," ARTIST had worked at the same company for which my previous employers (let's call them THOSE GUYS) also had worked; THOSE GUYS quit that company and THOSE GUYS started their own firm. i had just (12-days prior to meeting the ARTIST) voluntarily left a position with THOSE GUYS. what a small-frakkin world.
   


2. TEETHPICKER: had a really cool job. was sooooo not the height (read: shorter) they told me he would be; not that it mattered but for the fact i wore my oh-so-adorable-yet-painful kenneth cole make-me-taller shoes that were totally-painful-after-20-minutes. either the food make me sick, or the teethpicking made me sick. i excused myself from the table before the end of the meal and threw up. really.
   

   (i told IJAM that bad hygiene was a deal breaker, so put that in the database!)
   

3. DENTIST: (good one, IJAM; clever.). intelligent. good sarcasm. direct. had similar likes for activities. met again for dinner at the restaurant at which my friend todd worked. had to make sure DENTIST was gay-friendly. last i saw of or spoke with DENTIST.


4. BOURGEOIS: his favorite word, too often used, to describe his feeling about SD downtown, gaslamp district, urban setting, and people who go there. i go there. i guess i am bourgeois. and he is a pompous a**.
   

   (i was catching on ... IJAM did not check the database where i specifically noted ... i like to hang out in the hillcrest area of SD (read: gay area), little italy here or there, and downtown.)
   

5. TMI GARDEN GNOME: western religious fellow gone eastern-ish spirituality. east coast fellow who moved to the west coast. penn state learned who learned later at san diego state. wayne dyer devotee. told me he was abused as a child. 1-step forward for honesty, i suppose. 5-steps backward for conversation topic.
   

   (just in case you don't know TMI. oh ... and once again, IJAM didn't do the math correctly. i wore my kenneth cole shoes again. yeah ... i towered. AND AT THIS POINT ... MY FIRST BREAKING POINT - i rattled off my polite rating of 'unsatisfactory' service - met with some chick at IJAM to let her know how sooooo off they have been and blah-blah-blah-blah)

6. SWEET GUY: nice. great conversation. pleasant. walked me to my car in the cavernous fruits & veggie parking lot of horton plaza. gave me a peck on the cheek. met again for dessert (because he said he liked desserts!) ... & listened to him bemoan the prices of the dessert. (we were going dutch, even!) not a deal-breaker, but who bemoans the price of anything that is freshly-made and has CHOCOLATE!?
   

   (SIDE BAR: SWEET GUY gave me his e-Mail. i wrote him a 'thank you' e-Mail after the fab dessert place and let him know i totally looked forward to meeting up again. i got a call from him, while he was on a train to LA for work-stuff, which went something like, "i'd appreciate it if you would either be more vague in your e-Mails or call me. my secretary reads my e-Mail when i am out of the office. i don't bring my computer with me when i am out of the office." ... i was tempted to call him and ask him to check his e-Mail for my response, but i decided simply to call him - and in so many words said - i was not interested.)

7. I-DONTMIN-TO-BRRRRAAAHHHG-BUT...: (translated ... i don't mean to brag, but) then don't.
   

   (SIDE BAR: possibly another miscommunication or database glitch or just sh***y service. i-dontmin-to-brrrraaahhhg-but... didn't like to watch movies. i love watching movies. AND THIS WOULD BE MY SECOND BREAK POINT with them. a small rant & rave over the phone...)

8. DOT COM GUY (aka RINGER): tall. cute. universally cute. good conversation. lamented about similar IJAM experiences. extended our time spent talking with him because it was totally fun. I believe he was THE RINGER to appease me because I bitched at IJAM after i-dontmin-to-brrr... . haven't talked since. didn't expect to do so. we were each other's moment of therapy, i believe. did i mention he was cute. i was pacified.
   

   (SIDE BAR: IJAM told me he "rents" and that he works as a "computer-type" guy. i thought "so what about renting and computers?" i rent and think the world of my landlord. turns out, DOT COM GUY doesn't work. he's unemployed. he cashed out. he's totally set. he travels. an he owns several properties - which he rents.)
   

9. SALESGUY: cute. decent conversation. a little conservative and not a deal breaker. sort of defined by his status in corporate america. (eh?) i was interested in meeting up again. he didn't call back.


10. TEACHER: fun. cheery. flaky. loves movies. elementary school teacher. did see a movie for 2nd meet up; cost-conscious so saw 1st showing of spider-man 2. (i heart willem dafoe.) on atkins diet. (don't get me started.) a few calls back/forth. flaky. nonresponsive.
    

    (SIDE BAR: both of us being filipino, never got to the point of discussion where we check if we are somehow loosely or directly related.)
    

11. RICH: (that would be his name ... not tax bracket. he is the only one i shall name) he and i are friends. we became friends after agreeing (on the 2nd meet-up) that there wasn't a "vibe" (aka chemistry) between us, but we had lots in common. he lives downtown, loves dessert, likes to hang-out, his respsectful, makes mean martinis, etc... for this friendship alone, i will not slam IJAM. (under other circumstances, i would not show calm restraint.)


12. EYE-CONTACT MAN: cute. a psychologist. no chemistry.
    

    (and i turned into a babbling fool about my limited knowledge about psychology. i likely was EYE-CONTACT MAN'S equivalent of my BOURGEOIS guy. EYE-CONTACT MAN loved (just loved!) to scuba dive. i don't even like the confined-space feeling of an airplane. .... i so, soooo, sooooooooooo, apologize for the 90-ish minutes i stole from EYE-CONTACT MAN'S life. i apologize deeply.)

13. E-BAY MAN: cop. 2 kids. in process of going through a messy divorce. (i didn't realize in-process-of-being-single qualified one for IJAM.) o.k. conversation. i felt like i was E-BAY MAN's rudder ... IJAM threw us together so E-BAY MAN could gauge where i fell on his dating map.)
    

    (SIDE BAR: similar to the TEACHER, both of us being filipino, never got to the point of discussion where we check if we are somehow loosely or directly related. factoid - unlike the loch ness, yeti, or tooth fairy, 6'2" filipino guys exist.)
    

14. THE EXEC: took phone call ~ 10-minutes into the date. THE EXEC deserves a whole separate post. i MUST HAVE BEEN on some sort of candid-camera-reality-type show. for now, some key words - supervisor, alcoholic, asshole (in no special order)
    

    (SIDE BAR: a definite clue that IJAM didn't give a shit. did i type that? THIS WOULD BE MY THIRD BREAK POINT with them. a moderate rant & rave ... for which i disclosed i would meet-up with him again if i knew (and he knew) he would not be drunk as a skunk or headed that direction. i felt i needed to meet-up with him again - in a controlled & familiar space - to see if a camera crew was lurking!)

15. DANCER: he was a biz owner. he was taking different social dance classes (which is cool). he was really nice. i liked him. i wanted to meet-up with him again. we scheduled to meet on a friday for din-din. i had a much, much longer work day than expected & was in a gnarly mood (totally crabby mood); it was horribly raining something fierce. i called him about 2 hours before we were going to meet and asked if we could resched for saturday brunch or dinner. he said "sure" and that he'd call me back on saturday morning. he did not. i called mid-afternoon to check-in. no call back or message or e-Mail. not sure if he is alive.
    

    (SIDE BAR: i had to google. he is still in business. i understand.)
    

16. LAST GUY: (aka TURBINE GUY) i was his first IJAM date. he was my last IJAM date. (but at least i had my fav zocalo hand-shaken margarita!)

story time (or "it's just a meal")

(from a creative writing course i took in 2003)

"It's Just a Numbers Game!"

“Honey – finding Prince Charming, your Soul Mate, or whatever you wanna to call him, requires emotional and spiritual capital. At least that’s what Oprah and Dr. Phil say. But in my opinion, it’s a lot simpler than that – it’s just a numbers game. You gotta start somewhere, somehow, with a first date. And now that you’re free from corporate America, it’s all about the NEW you! Focus on yourself and your love life.” I looked at him, fidgeted and pulled back my shoulders. “That’s better, Sweetie. And unbutton your sweater a l’il bit if you decide that you like him. All men appreciate cleavage! Even I do. See you later!”

At 3:30 PM, these were the parting words of Todd, my gay friend, spoken before I would drive Downtown at 6 PM to meet my first It’s Just a Meal blind date for drinks.By 7 PM, my date with Aaron, “the 42-year old, 6 foot 2, athletic guy, the artist, the really nice guy,” would end. With my sweater still buttoned after meeting Aaron, I asked myself, “How many more dates would be followed by “The Drive of Shame” to Todd’s restaurant? How would I explain to Todd that the nine planets aligned to play a twisted joke on me? What was I going to tell It’s Just a Meal?

Just a week ago, Tiffany, the Executive Director of It’s Just a Meal, escorted me to her ocean view office. The room was littered with red and white pom-poms. I was barely seated before she picked up a pair of pom-poms, pranced in front of her office desk, and deafeningly cheered, “When We Jam, You Jam. It’s all about IJAM! Goooo Team!” Suddenly, she tossed ME a pair of pom-poms and cheered two more times. In a Jekyll and Hyde moment, Tiffany straightened her very fashionable suit, snatched my pom-poms, and said, “Now then, let’s totally get down to business.”

After completing IJAM’s six page questionnaire, I confided in Tiffany about the man I wanted to date. “Shit!” I thought. “The fate of my dating life rests in the hands of this cutesy, 20-something, hip-hugger wearing, valley-girl talking, cotton-candy smelling chick whose hair has been highlighted to the point of incandescence.” In between her “oh m’gawds” and “totallys”, Tiffany’s sales pitch of IJAM’s blind date, matchmaking service for professionals was surprisingly compelling. Of course, she never said “blind date”, and she never said “matchmaking,” but she did make it a point to repeat “professionals”. “Oh m’gawd! I’m sooo excited! I have four guys in mind who are awesome! IJAM is sooo for you!” Without even asking if I was interested, Tiffany lunged at me with a pen and their contract. I was stunned by the five-tier membership options. But despite their fee structure, I decided to go the distance, became a Platinum Member and promised never to look back after signing my check over to IJAM. Wrong. One week later, I would sit in my car, breaking my promise.

While warming up my car a before meeting Aaron, the artist, I thought, “Wow! There are professional artists? Maybe he’s a famous painter, a musician in a rock band, or a soprano in the opera?” Whatever he was, the artist would get to see the new me – contact lenses, red lipstick, foundation to mask the emerging zit on my cheek, and a cleavage-promoting top. I grabbed my calculator out of my purse. Before punching the calculator keys, I checked my armpits – still dry. “Just one last time before my date,” I obsessed. “Must do the math, again. Just one last time.”

I barely heard the click of the keys over the hum of my car engine. 93 75 for each date (for 16 dates) or 125 a month for 12 months. But when I subtracted the 200 dollar interview fee with Tiffany and her pom-poms, it was 81 25 a date or 108 dollars and 33 cents a month. I convinced myself about the need to account for the interview fee. With my “new math”, it made the whole endeavor sound just a little cheaper. Less the 200 dollar interview fee, I already saved 12 50 for each date. Sure the logic was whacked, but the math was correct. Because no matter how often I punched my calculator, no matter how I approached this first date, I was faced with the dizzying reality that the only number that really mattered was fifteen hundred dollars – the price of a Platinum Membership with It’s Just a Meal.

I arrived Downtown; the hostess pointed to my date. Aaron was seated at the trendy bar, sipping a white zinfandel, and admiring himself in the wall mirror behind the bar. As the hostess escorted me to a vacant barstool next to him, he turned around. His eyes immediately locked onto mine with an intense, searching gaze. After a few seconds, during which he apparently decided he was satisfied with the view, he silently presented me with a single white rose and gently kissed my hand.

When he looked up, I began my own nonchalant perusal of his appearance. His salt-and-pepper mullet-hairstyle created a perfect frame for his Elvis Costello glasses, tan leathery skin, and straight white teeth. He wore a large quartz crystal hanging from a black leather strap and was quietly bouncing on his barstool, grinning and patting the empty stool next to him. I sat down to his right. In the air, I could taste his heavy-handed application of Old Spice cologne. I sneezed and then I ordered a martini and a double shot of vodka. Aaron coyly smiled. When the bartender served our drinks, Aaron grabbed the martini glass, swirled and sniffed its contents, nodded approvingly, and handed the glass to me. As he ran his finger through his hair, the first words out of his mouth were, “Wonderfully fragrant, M’Lady.” I sucked down half of my martini.

“Okay! He’s a professional artist.” The words spun in my head. “Now THAT whole swirl thing was a little strange, but it’s not a deal killer.” Under my breath, I repeated the mantra, “… numbers game. It’s just a numbers game. It’s just … ” Down went the vodka double shot.

Tiffany was right; Aaron was definitely 6-2. Athletic? Sure, I could see that. But she neglected to say one thing – once he got started, he couldn’t stop. Aaron was a chatterbox – sports, weather, politics, business – never anything personal, never anything engaging. He was like an audio U.S.A. Today newspaper. Not only that, his gestures gracefully complemented every word he spoke. Then, on the rare occasions when I was able to get a word in edge-wise, he invaded my personal space, stroked my left wrist, and eagerly nodded at every other syllable I uttered.

“Oh my god! It’s only 15 minutes into the date!” Did IJAM require a minimum amount of time for each date? Regardless, I decided that ending a date before 30 minutes would surely be frowned upon. “31 minutes and I’m outta here!” Suddenly, as if Aaron heard my thoughts, there was an awkward silence. He fidgeted on his barstool. He stared into the mirror and stroked the quartz crystal lying atop his Adam’s apple. Then, his eyes nervously darted around the restaurant as if he needed to find the nearest exits.

“Oh no you don’t!” The words blared in my head. “Don’t even think about it, Artsy-Fartsy Man! I just got here! 93 75 or 81 25, Dammit! I’m getting my money’s worth.”

Suddenly, he swiveled on his stool and invaded my space, “So, what do you do for a living?” I was flustered. He wanted to converse. I sipped what was left of my martini and said, “I recently left a small energy consulting company to start my own business. I consult with power plants on environmental issues.” To that, he interrupted, “Oh! Do you work with peakers?” My eyes bugged-out; if I was a cartoon character, I’m sure they would’ve been the size of Jupiter while hanging off their sockets! Then I realized that we might have something in common! “What the hell, Aaron!? IJAM told me you were an artist. Only power industry people say peakers!”

Proudly he said, “Oh, you’ll find that I’m a man of many hats. For almost 5 years, I used to work with wind energy. I got sick of seeing piles of dead birds, so I cashed in my stock options right before the dot-com crash. Then my guardian angel helped me find my true calling. I quit my job and became a street artist. I’m a mime.”

Dazed and almost choking on my words, I mumbled, “True calling? Mime? Wind energy? Uh, the company I just left, Green Energy Elements, is in Pleasantland. I worked there for … ” Before I could finish, he talked over my words, “Oh! Bob and Larry? I know them.” His soliloquy began again – yack, yack, yack, yack, yack – another speech about nothing, arms waving like that of a symphony conductor.

Holy shit! I’ve payed 93 75 or 81 25 – whatever the hell the amount - for a random mime to remind me that we lived in a small world. My first IJAM date is reciting the names of my former employers – “former” as of only twelve days ago. Bob and Larry - their names rang in my head. I downed my martini with lightning speed. Then I looked up at Aaron for sympathy; but he had no clue about the flashback turmoil I was experiencing the moment he said their names. He was too busy impressing himself with his own stories. Bob and Larry – Larry and Bob. After a year, I got a severance package and took my lawyer’s advice to remain calm and not go postal as they disingenuously wished me “good luck in all your future endeavors.”

Oh my God, now it’s only 25-minutes into my date with the Bay-City-Roller-Wanna-Be. After he reminisced about the “the good ole days” with Bob and Larry, he was exploring new, uninteresting tangents. Why was Aaron still talking while I obviously had a plastered smile poised atop my bobble head acknowledgment of his empty words? By 7PM, I knew this would be our only date. His being really nice had some benefits, but his being really boring did not. I shook his hand and got my parking stub validated.

81 25, plus drinks, plus a Mime. Priceless.

When I waved at Todd through his restaurant’s window, it was 8 PM. He efficiently seated a table of eight, and acknowledged me with his signature beauty-pageant hand wave. He had his sassy hair highlighted and gelled, and he wore yet another one of his to-die-for outfits. The waiting area was packed, the bar was crowded, but regardless, he quickly rushed outside. He gave me a huge bear hug, kissed me on both cheeks, and pulled at one of my sweater buttons. “Snatch-Basket! You look great! But where’s the cleavage? Is he a painter? Do tell all, but make it quick. We’re totally slammed.”

I took a deep breath. “He’s not a painter. He’s a new-agey-mullet-wearing-mime that used to work for Bob and Larry. What a small-fucking-world?” Todd gave me a comforting hug and said, “Ah, Sweetie! That sucks. He sounds like a poor bastard. Dump him.”

[by Shirley © 2003]

my love affair with pigdog

(original post from 09/25/06)

those who have known me since college - also know pigdog ... the nickname i gave for the furry fellow to the right.

the beginning ... i picked him up at yarmo zone (which was previously yarmo), which no longer exists - was on the corner of durant & telegraph. (slice of pizza at blondies, afterwards)

not my dog ... uh ... yeah ... pigdog is not my dog ... pigdog is someone's dog ... pigdog is a postcard i have carried around with me for more than 20 years.

back-story ... i don't know this dog's name. i do know the pic was taken with a fisheye lens ... photographer: chip simons ... series: "i am a dog"

[more on this back-story to now-story later in the post]

he lives on the fridge door ... in preparation for my move from SD (san diego) to BA (bay area), pigdog has survived 7 fridge doors - he'll be leaving his 8th, fairly soon - and will settle down for a little bit on his 9th fridge door.

he has traveled once ... at one point, i mailed him up to a friend, g (in sacramento), as a get well; g had bypass surgery (quadruple, i believe). pigdog came back. my friend returned him with a very hearty 'thanks' and figured i should really keep pigdog (which was totally cool).

now with the move ... i'm packing boxes, labeling boxes, donating items, recycling items, cleaning, dusting, etc. ... and i have a small pile of "things i will drive up" ... pigdog is one of them.

things i will drive up ... these are those personal memorabilia items, items that if i broke them - i would be bummed (and if a mover broke them, i'd probably be totally ticked-off), and items, that if lost them, i'd make a point to replace them ... pigdog is one of them.

back-story revisited ... as i opened the fridge (frankly, to clean the fridge out a bit - ewww), pigdog greeted me. soooo ... for whatever reason, i did the following - i wrote the photographer of the postcard, as follows:

hi there mr simons... i just wanted to let you know how much i love your 'i am a dog' series. and even more, i enjoyed visiting your web site!

BACK STORY: when i was in college (in the mid-80s), i picked up a post-card, which has since been lovingly referred to as 'pig dog' ... and whenever i am at a store that sells postcards, i always (and i mean ALWAYS) make a point to see if i can snag any more 'pig dog' postcards (or like-kind) and send out to friends. and my friends have since forwarded me like-kind post cards.

NOW: i am in the process of moving, my friends call me a pack rat (and i say 'thank you'), and pig dog (the original post card) remains with me ... so while packing, i came across the card (attached) and just visited your web site.

i guess i just wanted to say i really enjoyed visiting your web site ... viewing your photos ... and wish you continued success!

thanks for the smiles!

[btw, chip simons website]

and much to my surprise, i received a response (completely unexpected!) from mr. simons, as follows:

cool thanks.  I am a dog was a story about me and how i
felt....at the time.  moving to nyc after living in the
wide open of new mexico.  My bunny pictures were how i
was the last few years. ...sort of melancholy and sad...
The postcards were an antidote to working for magazines...
puns and jokes and"bad..is good" mentality.  My new black
period will be up soon...it is very...black....but very
sensuous and beautiful.  Thanks for writing....it's nice
to know that something i do makes someone a bit happier.
chip

... along with the attached and the following quip ...

hay...weed better bale before the cops get here....

pigdog now has 2 new friends
... whom i shall simply call 'hay' and 'bale'.

what is cubeopolis?

almost 2 months after rejoining the conventional workforce - a large organization, aka (at least to me) as cubeopolis ... which had initially been (incorrectly) referred to as cubeopolus (and so i was later rightfully chastised by the oracle).

nevertheless ... i did join cubeopolis in mid-september; here is the ever evolving cube as it once was back in november 2007.

cube-occupant
cube-i-licious
cube-politan
cube-o-rama

cube-opolus
cube-ster
cube-ometer
cube-meister
cube-every-day