Tuesday, February 22, 2011

#love2011: gathering week 8 thoughts

reframing rejection ... this week 8 love project assignment on reframing rejection is giving me a little nudge to continue rolling over old blog posts (from 2006-2009) into girlnutkin.

as mentioned in yesterday's post about the week 8 assignment -
"... from rejection, i have found i experience moments of writing emerge. little epiphanies pop-up, and reminders of lessons learned peek around the corner. the main thing is that i MUST acknowledge these moments. so that means i write, acknowledge mini-epiphanies, and learn a few lessons."
(pic of my friend todd, because he will cut you!)

flashback rejections result in writing ...
dating - a common topic of rejection. and so the story goes -
  • in early 2007 ... i dated a man for a couple of months, for which we spent at least 4 days a week with each other amidst home-cooked meals 2-3 nights a week and a full weekend day of personal projects, errands, and date night to cap it off. then we broke up, and i was VERY SAD. then i wrote about it.
  • in the spring of 2008 ... my ex-boyfriend emailed me; we reconnected and started dating again - on and off throughout the rest of the year. then in early 2009, we broke up, and i was VERY SAD. then i wrote about it.
  • in winter 2009 ... my ex and i agreed to be just friends. we saw imogen heap at the fillmore. fun. i was clear on the "just friends" after the concert; he was not. he later poo-poo'd my not hanging out with him after the concert, however, we remained friendly. several weeks later, after wishing him (via telephone) happy holidays/new years, he divulged that even before he and i met and dated, he was in a long distance relationship and the woman he was seeing was staying with him.
  • it's 2011 ... we will not reconnect. it's mutual.
writing to express my feelings ... for each of the little milestone break-ups, i have discovered my go-to of writing to express my feelings. and
  • in 2007 ... i wrote my foreigner. this short little story actually started off as an email. i don't remember at what point i decided to throw it into a story. i think it was after i got tired of listening to myself, burdening my friends, crying, and just spending way too much time on a treadmill of sadness. the result? - self-discovery, as shared in the story.
  • in 2009 ... i wrote let me believe. like my foreigner, this story started off as an email. and when i spoke to a few friends about this "round 2", i kept saying that i could not believe what happened - again. well, as my friend, reggie, shared during one of my "i'm-sad-for-myself and i-want-to-talk-about-it-more-than-i-should and maybe-i'll-heal-but-for-now and blah-blah-blah pity-party" ... reggie said, "girlfriend, believe it!" and then poof - let me believe was written. i read this outloud for nearly 3 weeks straight.
lessons and transitions ... in reframing rejection, i believe i did learn more about myself and relationships through the break-ups -
  • from my foreigner, as shared in the story, i learned about ignorance. my thoughts were shared in a may 2007 post (reposted over here). and this has since resulted in my being very interested and exploring race, ignorance, knowledge as shared over here.

  • from let me believe, when i read it now, i have learned the importance of communications - spoken and unspoken, and although it all may sound like a cliche, i have a choice ... i have choices - how to react, how to transition, how to heal, etc.
friend shares support ... i do remember my sadness, shock, anger, and confusion back in 2007. and i am reminded of a quote sent to me in april 2007 from my friend tracy ...
Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness. It takes strength to acknowledge our anger, and sometimes more strength yet to curb the aggressive urges anger may bring and to channel them into nonviolent outlets. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it.
- Fred Rogers
from "The World According to Mr. Rogers"
thanks, love project,
for my moments of flashback.
awesome lessons learned and learning!

1 comment:

  1. As always, Shirley, you are one Love Project MVP! You are always learning and bettering yourself and, at the same time, bettering the world. Thanks for sharing of yourself so openly.


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