thanks, k, for sharing your thoughts after reading the story and my thoughts. so i am posting your thoughts here, as well, as others may also have thoughts to share.
hm.
I can't help but feel overwhelmed by...?
I don't even know how to describe the sensations I currently host.
On the one hand, I am inclined to sympathize with your experience. I have to admit, I too have encountered several--and by several I mean countless--occasions where this same scenario has panned out. Perhaps I have become numb, the shock of such "ignorance" having worn off after repeating incidences. At this point, it rolls right off, without even a flicker. Most times I find myself amused at the remarks. Utter disbelief really. It doesn't stem from any feelings of anger nor shame. Instead, it's merely: wow [?!] to the effect of "wtf" minus the emphasis, as I shake my head.
I once had a co-worker comment that I was quite pretty for a Chinese woman, considering that he had been to China before and they were all rather unattractive. I believe he meant it as a huge compliment, though I can't help but feel a little insulted. And as much as I would like to say that I don't take these things personally, the fact that I can vividly recall that conversation evidently illustrates otherwise.
After having been exposed to such reoccurring incidences, as aforementioned, I find myself posed with philosophical queries as well. After all, an individual's perspective on/in life has a geat deal to do with their upbringing, and could I really blame someone if they are SINCERELY ignorant? And by blame, I don't mean that the individual is free of accountability, but rather... could I really be ANGRY at that person?
Feelings of hurt may naturally arise, but if I in turn reserve the right to counteract with notions of my own superiority and freedom from such ignorance, am I not being ignorant as well? And to that extent, am I not worse insofar as I believe myself so far above such unknowingness??
I suppose a great deal is also inextricably tied to how one defines or understands "ignorance" to mean and also what emotion is aroused as a result. To react angrily and feel superior, I would have to contend that on some level, it's quite possible that ignorance of one's own pretentiousness can be found. Where the root of such superiority grows from will/may vary. Upbringing perhaps, or even to mask feelings of inferiority or maybe to distance oneself from a shared trait.
Yet, if ignorance is synonymous with naive, innocenct or lacking in knowledge, one might be apt to excuse whatever act--however horrendous or minute. Would this then create a vacuum of unaccountability? No one ever feeling the need to be compassionate nor understanding? Stuck within a little bubble that may snow ball into another Jim Crowesque situation? Or am I falling prey to creating a world of what-if's under no reasonable means?
Consequently, I feel compelled to question my own sincerity for the desire to find a satisfying resolution.
RECAP:
First, I am evidently not ignorant because I understand the injury. I am also further excused of ignorance because I don't react angrily in response thereby demonstrating my benevolence and compassion. [aren't I great and smart now?!] But... could there be a next level? Perhaps simple contemplation without extrapilating any sort of emotional attachment. ZEN.
Ultimately. my constant need to "feel better" about myself and how I react to any given situation presents me with the conundrum: SELF-IDENTITY. Why do I care? What does it matter? If I am so "confident" as I would like to be, can anyone really harm me? Emotionally? Psychologically??
In a perfect world, I would like to accept a situation for what it is and move on. I haven't learned how to achieve that yet. A constant theme that seems to be prevalent this year so far is that I know a lot of things, but I fall short of understanding them.
In the end, I find myself asking: What's the point? Does it matter? Do I really care?
Answer: Yes, but maybe not enough. or maybe too much...
Despite it all, I do thrive on the dialogue. And yes, it's feeding my ego because it makes me feel smart.
again, thanks, k,
for taking a couple hours of your time to share.
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